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What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 22.06.2025 00:21

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

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I could never make a relationship work though!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

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We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Put me off passion for life!!

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

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Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

She married twice! .

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

If nobody will hire me, should I turn to crime to pursue a career in programming? I ask because if there's no legal entry-level jobs due to the oversaturation, I might have to go underground for it.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

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And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

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On the 31st of Jan this month .

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

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She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

So whats the point in blame.

I never cut or harmed myself..

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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

She found it foreign!.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

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They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

MAGA talking heads are saying that no MAGA child would publicly cry for their father, and want Gus Walz investigated as a crisis actor. I cried for my father and mother when they won or lost in life, am I a weird conservative or is MAGA messed up?

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

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I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Would this be the day?

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

How is it safe to put tape on your mouth at night?

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

This is how, and why children get BPD.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

I was scared of men, in general

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I was 9 years of age.

So, i spoilt her more .

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

I was very sick at this time too.

I couldn’t, believe it.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

And i lived it daily.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I waited trembling.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Especially a lifetime of it.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

He knew the spot.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

My family never makes their pension either.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Was to survive, this bastard.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I was seconnd youngest,

I write beautiful poetry .

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

She wouldn,t have been !

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

She was in good health!

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I will be 64.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I have no regrets .

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

It was going to be , some day.

(And it was in our own minds.)

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

This is soul school!.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

My life is so biszare .

I don,t even have a pension.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

I know ,a lot about trauma.

Comes on , in middle age.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

All the time i was locked up.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

But, we were locked up after school.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Ive learnt so much.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Im still living with it.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Why did i forgive my father ?

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Who then, do I blame.?

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

We all went to grammer schools

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I said to her

One cannot live in the past .

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

But it wasn’t much.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

What did i know ?

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I think the readers, may guess!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

When she asked me how she looked .

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

We were not on the streets..

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

But ive been too sick for many years..

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

She loved him until the end.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

He resisted the act ,that day.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.